All Three Of Me Had Better Shut Up Or Else
by FullMetalCrayon
Summary: So, I wondered what would happen if all the character pairings met each other. This is it! Also- no offense meant to fans of certain pairings, I'm just trying to make some people lol. T for language and suggestive themes..  On hiatus til I find my muse.


**Welcome to my crack story. WELCOME MY FRIENDSSSS !**

Hello there readers and tacos of the world. Ready for a little of FullMetalCrayon's crack story? OF COURSE YOU ARE!

Anyhoosie, I'm onward upon my trusty steed to write this glorious story for you.

Me: Ed and Roy and Riza and Winry and Al and Havoc and Fuery and Breda and Fuhrer and Lust and Envy and Honhenheim...

Everyone on the show: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!

Me: Oh. Just so you know, I don't own you guys. *takes a spike to the arm*

Okay so while I bleed here I'ma write this here story fer ya. Enjoy, my canine friends!

(Oh loyal canine, how I salute thee..) :D

* * *

><p>"RAINDROPS ARE FALLING ON MY HEAD BADADADADADA.." Breda and Falman karaoked, spraying each other with water guns whilst dressed up as ballarenas.<p>

Mustang turned as white as..well damn he's already pale. So..he turned purple. Yeah. That's it.

Mustang flew from his chair and ran to the center of the office, screaming and crying in a very purpley and manly fashion.

"NO! HAVOC! LIEUTENANT! DON'T LET THE RAIN GET ME!" He screeched as he ran around in circles, arms flailing about. He was on his about oh 50th terror filled circle when he smacked straight into Ed who had just fallen out of the ceiling. Like literally smacked into him. The sound was so ..ka-boomish..? that Riza thought she had accidentally shot Breda while threatening him with her gun to do his paperwork.

"OH, ROY!" Edward shouted merrily, trying to kiss Mustang while his face sparkled with..well sparkles. The Armstrong kind of sparkles. THE HORROR!

"FULLMETAL!" Roy yelped, spinning the shrimp around in a 360. "OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU, MY LOVE!" They embraced, faces both like ^-^ and sparkles emanating off of their forms.

Mustang's staff: (O.O). Well execpt Havoc. He was all like (' ) PENGUIN FACE!

********_Meanwhile...************ (evil smile)_

"Bastard."

Roy thought about torching Ed to death but thought of a rather nice comeback and smirked. "What, pipsqueak?"

"WHO YOU CALLIN SO SHORT THAT THE BIRDS THINK HE'S A WORM AND FEED HIM TO THEIR YOUNG YOU JERK!" A seething Edward glared at his smirking superior. "I am not short." He calmly inserted as they walked along. "I'm just not as tall as you are."

"Whatever, Fullmetal," Mustang sighed. He didn't want to end up blowing Central up, too. Last time they got into it they had to rebuild the whole city of Liore...and Ed's metal appendages. And buy new clothes.

"I'm really not!" Ed whined, sounding two but for once he wanted someone to say he was...normal height. He would settle for that...

"Shorty."

"Bastard!"

"Speck!"

"YOU MORONIC MORALLY-BANKRUPT COLONEL WITH A GOD COMPLEX!" **(1)**

They bitched at each other all the way into HQ. Ed was planning to make a badass dramatic enterance and force his colleages say he wasn't.. vertically challenged. Until they rounded the corner.

"Uhhhh... Mustang? Why...why are you doing the cha-cha slide in a miniskirt on your desk?" **(2)**

****_Everyone is in the room together.*****_

Every subordinate of Mustang's was huddled in the corner.

"MAKE IT STOP!" They shrieked simuletaneously, eyes melting at the sight before them.

A scantily clad Edward popped out of the file cabnient where he had been changing. "DON'T HATE, APPRECIATE!" He shouted, springing onto the desk to join the miniskirted Roy in his beastly dance moves.

"Wow, I look nice in bootyshorts and a bra," Ed mumbled while looking at himself dance on the desk.

Roy stammered a few unintelligable phrases. "H- wh- wher- I'M SO CONFUSEDDDD!" He cried, falling to the floor. "Lieutenant! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!"

Edward kicked the Colonel Bastard. "You're missing your solo!"

Roy looked up, blinking the sparkles out of his eyes. Did an Armstrong have sex in here...? On the rug...? O.O..

"Hey Ed, where's Riza?"

"In the-" He didn't have time to finish his sentence because another Roy fell out of the sky and landed on him. "OOF! BASTARD! LOSE SOME WEIGHT!" He complained, flailing his tiny limbs around.

"I'm sorry Fullmetal. Now where's... RIZA! BABY! COME HERE!"

Riza vacated the corner, sprinting across the room. She bulldozed over the Colonel that was laying down in the process. It was okay, he only took a heel to the ear.

"Oh, Roy.." She whispered as she reached the Mustang who was standing on Ed's back.. Then she started tickiling him.

" BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! OH RIZA! STOP! RIIIIZZZAAAAAA!" The colonel giggled out, whilst smirking. Ed briefly wondered if his face was permaneatly frozen in that place, until he glanced up and saw the Roy in the skirt with a xD face on. Anime xD, that is. **(Use your imagination, people. I can see it :3 )**

Shoving the tickilish freak off his back, Ed fully intended to stand up.

Til a certain empty shell of armor crushed his spine for the second time today.

"**BROTHERRRR!"** Al shouted gleefully, because appearantly he was full of glee. He picked Ed up and kissed him on the lips.

Wait. Armor can kiss? What the hell ... ?

**"MRAHDPPGHGH!"** prostested Ed into the lips of his brother. He meant to say, "Alphonse what the hell are you doing why are youstrange.." But it didn't work out very well, as aforementioned. :) **(3)**

The Mustang that had come into the room with the now frantic Edward brushed himself off and snatched Ed from Al, holding him bridal style.

"Heeeeyyy! Pyroooooo! Down!" Ed whined as he did the disco in Roy's arms.

"Fine. Here, Al!" He replied cheerily, extending Edward outward.

"NUHNUHNUHNUHNUH NOOOOO, THANK YOU!" Ed griped, gripping the Colonel's shirt between his fingers. "If you do you bastard I will roundhouse kick you into next Tuesday."

Ignoring his rather violent subordinate, Mustang surveyed the office before him.

Himself and Ed were tango-ing in miniskirts (Well he was. Ed sported a bra and bootyshorts. Huh. Fullmetal was right, he didn't look so bad in them.) to the YMCA song, still on his desk. Fuery, Havoc, and Falman were congo-ing, for lack of better things to do. Him and Riza were passionately sucking face on the couch, and now Alphonse (poor, poor confused boy) blew kitten shaped bubbles with another form of his brother whom Roy witnessed jump in through the window moments ago.

Yeah...someone ate a bucket of crazy covered in loony sauce for breakfast this morning.

Roy began to sprint out of the room, crying tears of confusion, still clutching a now concerned Fullmetal.

"Where we goin', pyromaniac?" Ed quipped, grinning at his superior because for once the damn man wasn't smirking. Even if he was an alarming shade of chartruse. Still.

"TO GODDAMN THERAPY, THATS WHERE!"

**~~To Be Continued~~~**

* * *

><p>Welp there you go, first chapter down, more left to go.*blows smoke off gun.*<p>

Again I don't mean any offense to fans of the pairings aforementioned, I love them all too ! I just wanted to see what would happen if all of them were thrown together.

Welp more randomness and crackness will ensue if I get some feedback.

Okay damn it probably will continue even if you don't, but just freaking review and make a gal happeh! :D (or buy me a crayon. Works just as well.)

**(1)- Okay that is my line anyone says out of FMA, ever. I can't remember which episode it's from though! D:. If you tell me in a review I will dedicate the next chapter to you! (hehe that ryhmed..)**

**(2)- I figured it was gonna end there but I thought what the hell. Tell me in reviews if you think I was better off stopping while I was ahead.**

**(3)- Aforementioned. Damn, what an awesome word..**

Thank you, you noble popsiciles for reading.

PS- Please review ! Or I just MIGHT have to send the giraffe hunters after you...and we don't want that, DO we.

Don't let me down, cadets!

**~FullMetalCrayon, signing out~**


End file.
